Losing someone you love is always painful. There’s a void they leave behind and based on each person, takes time to fill or at least cover up for a while. But there’s something devastating about losing your mother. That woman who birthed you, fed you, fought with you, held you as you cried, went shopping with you, laughed with you at the silliest things, and most of all, became your friend at some point — to know that you can’t just call out for her and talk to her anymore brings about a different kind of heartbreak.
And it’s only after she’s gone that we realize that even the smallest questions matter. It could be as simple as “do you know where my phone is?”, “what’s there to eat?” or even “what do I wear?” Without her, it just seems empty. And that is what this young woman learned when she lost her mother to stage four cancer.
Christie Lynn says that for those who still have their mothers, they have it lucky. Where they get to ask these questions to their mother directly, she has to ask Google. Writing to Love What Matters, she shared her story.
“The smallest thing I believe people who still have their moms take for granted is the ability to ask them anything, anytime. I mean the important questions, the little things and even the stupid ones.
There wasn’t a second when my mom was alive that I thought twice about asking my mom things I needed the answer to. It is something that seems so small when you have it, but so big and scary when you no longer have the option anymore.”
“I never realized how many things I would still need a mom to ask about, until the option wasn’t there anymore. There are so many things that I don’t feel comfortable asking any other woman in my life for the sole reason that they just aren’t my mom.
Therefore, I ask Google instead. I constantly find myself looking things up online that years ago I would just be able to call or text my mom to get a quick answer to.”
“The worst part? Every time I find myself doing this the grief of missing my mom hits me hard all over again. I find myself angry. I am angry that I am here asking a search engine a question that almost everyone else in my life gets to just talk to their mom about. And I mean the little things.
What color shoes can I wear with navy pants?
What do I wear for an interview?
Do my shoes look good with this outfit?”
“Am I handling something right in my relationship?
Am I overreacting?”
“Questions that I may kind of already know the answer to but I would love to be able to hear the answer from my mom. There are so many things as time goes on that I am going to need my mom for. There are going to be more questions that need answers and more situations that would be more comfortable with the guidance of my mother.
This is going to be a void and an absence that I will deal with for the rest of my life.”
No one is immune to this pain.
When her mother passed away, Miss Congeniality actress, Sandra Bullock said, “It took me two years to accept that she’s not here,” according to Sify Movies. “It doesn’t get easier, it just gets harder. But it’s a good thing because I feel it and I value it and I am not rushing through life.”
Though logically we know that at some point our parents won’t be around, emotionally, we find it hard to process. And that’s okay. One needs to grieve because it’s not just your loved one who dies, it’s a little piece of you. All the fights and anger fade away in the face of grief and death. But it is important to remember the love we had. And that we have to savor every moment we have with our loved ones.
And those of us who are lucky enough to still have them around, it is important to make the most of the time we have. So ask questions, place sweet requests, give a call, drop by, take them out, cry, laugh, dance and sing with them when you still can.