There are so many different ways to express love, but what you percieve as the most loving gesture might not be the same for someone else. After years of counseling couples, pastor Gary Chapman realized that “what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their spouse or partner.” He told HuffPost, “I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise.”
This prompted Chapman to write a book titled The 5 Love Languages, which reveals the five different ways that people prefer to feel their partner’s love and affection. When you and your partner take the time out to understand each other’s love language, you are better able to make each other feel loved, noticed, and cared for. And it brings you both closer. Here’s what the five love languages are.
1. Physical Touch
What gives you the deep feeling of being connected with your partner is physical touch. You feel a strong sense of belonging or you feel all your worries fade away every time your partner reaches for your hand or embraces you. And there’s nothing that comforts you more than being wrapped in their arms.
“People who speak this love language thrive on any type of physical touch: hand holding, hugs and pats on the back,” Chapman shared. “Be intentional about finding ways to express your love using physical touch: giving hugs, touching their arm or hand during a conversation, offer to give a neck or back rub.”
2. Acts of Service
This is your love language when you believe that “actions speak louder than words”. Lisa Petsinis, a certified life coach for women, said, “One of the best things you can do to show your appreciation is unexpectedly step in to help when your partner is overloaded,” as quoted by Parade.
Nothing makes you feel more loved when your partner makes your favorite breakfast for you, takes care of the dishes, or leaves you messages to remind you of how much they love you. They are willing to do anything to take the weight off your shoulders because they know how much it means to you when they pitch in.
3. Receiving Gifts
If this is your love language, it shows how much you appreciate your partner for paying attention to your likes and dislikes, and they know exactly what will put a smile on your face. “The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift,” Chapman explained.
It has nothing to do with materialism or spending a lot of cash to prove how much you love someone. You feel loved and cared for when your partner decides to get you a thoughtful present or simply makes the effort to surprise you with something special. When you mentioned seeing a tie or an earring that you liked but didn’t buy, you know they’re always attentively listening to you and they cherish your every desire.
4. Quality Time
When this is your love language, it shows that you appreciate it when your partner is willing to take the time out from whatever they are doing to give you their undivided attention when you seek it. What’s important for you is unwinding with your partner at the end of every day or taking a day out to just enjoy each other’s company with absolutely no distractions.
“The point is to share uninterrupted one-on-one time,” said author Ronnie Ryan. “That means no phones, no kids, no interruptions. Just the two of you enjoying each other’s company.” You love it when you never feel the need to compete with your partner’s work, friends, or hobbies to get their attention. And that makes every moment special.
5. Words of Affirmation
“For people with this love language, they need to hear, ‘I love you,'” Chapman explained. “Even better is including the reasons behind the love; leave them a voice message, a written note, or talking to them directly with sincere words of kindness and affirmation.”
You feel noticed when your partner takes the time out to compliment you on the things you do in the relationship. You don’t have to wonder whether they love or what about you makes them feel attracted to you because when they know this is your love language, they will say it out loud.
Disclaimer: This article is based on facts collated from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.