I’m the kind of person who always tries to turn the other cheek, to understand where others are coming from. I try to put myself in other people’s shoes, to try and work out why they do the things they do. This understanding mindset means I often forgive others for things they’ve done wrong – even if I don’t forget. I do my best to talk things out, patch things up, and move on with my life a better person for having had the experience.
However, I have a limit. There are always lines that just shouldn’t be crossed, and boundaries that, if pushed, are unforgivable to me. Being an understanding and forgiving person doesn’t mean I’m a pushover. I’m not a doormat. I’m not someone to be walked all over and taken advantage of.
When it comes to the different relationships in my life, I try my hardest to make things work. With family, with friends, with partners – I always try my very best to keep any relationship I have with someone strong, happy, and healthy. I know, though, that this isn’t always possible.
And when it’s not, I walk away.
If a person isn’t worth another chance, if I know they’ll only let me down, if they’ve betrayed me in a way that shows me their true colors and makes it impossible to trust them again, I cut them off. They will never see me again. In that way, I make sure I only surround myself with people who are good for my happiness and wellbeing. If someone isn’t up to scratch, they go.
Don’t get me wrong, life is far too short to hold grudges. It’s far better to just live and let live. I’d never go out of my way to cause drama, or make a situation worse, or seek revenge. But I know my worth, and I know what I’ll tolerate and what I won’t. The hard truth is that some people are toxic. These people will never stop causing drama, and never stop making your life harder. Some people will never be good friends, or good family members. I cut these people out of my life whenever I realize what their true nature is.
I want to surround myself only with good people. I want to be able to rely on my friends and family. To know that I have their backs, and in return they have mine. I am in control of my life. I am in control of who stays and who goes. Having access to my life is a privilege, not a right. If I can’t trust you to treat me the way I’d treat you, you don’t get to keep using me. I will simply walk away from you and never look back.
While forgiveness is important, sometimes things happen that I just can’t forgive. If I let people that have wronged me intentionally stay in my life, I’m just as much to blame as they are if and when they wrong me again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me for giving you the opportunity. Life may be too short for grudges, but it’s also too short to naively trust that people will eventually change when they give you every indication that they won’t.
That doesn’t mean I give up on people easily, however.
I will fight tooth and nail to save any relationship that matters to me. I’ll do everything in my power to salvage things. If there’s any bitterness, any misunderstandings or mutual hurt, I’ll try my best to patch it up. But if a person leaves me no choice, if they do things beyond the pale, things that don’t deserve my forgiveness, I won’t hesitate to make sure they never see me again.