So, you’re thinking about cheating on her, or you’ve already made your decision and you’re just trying to put up an acceptable argument to yourself about it so that if everything goes wrong you can turn around and say it wasn’t what you really wanted.
Why are you with her in the first place? If you want someone else that badly, then why not just break up with her first? Why do you have to betray her?
Let me tell you something about what will happen if you cheat on her.
You will tear her heart in two. You will burn everything she thinks she knows about life and love to the ground, and leave her kneeling, heartbroken and distraught amongst the ashes. You won’t just hurt her; you will break her. You will leave her with a deep and horrible wound, one that will take years of self-exploration and positive personal growth to even begin to fully heal. Is that really what you want to do? Does sex with someone else really matter enough to you to do that to another human being, someone you supposedly love?
You see, you won’t just break the trust she has in you. You will break her trust for everyone who will ever love her again. Because if someone she loves as much as you, someone who loves her as much as she thinks you do can hurt her like that, then who’s to say that another person won’t? How is she supposed to be able to trust anyone ever again?
She won’t sleep. She won’t eat for days. She won’t be able to crack a genuine smile or laugh until it hurts for months. Every night she lies awake, your betrayal, your absence will be on her mind. Every bite she tries to eat will be tainted by the memories she has of eating with you, of what you meant to her, of what you still mean to her, of what you did, of how she wasn’t enough for you.
But she still won’t hate you for what you did to her. She will place that blame on herself instead. She will wonder endlessly and obsessively why she wasn’t enough for you. She will compare herself to every other woman she meets, wondering what she could have done different, what she could have done to save the relationship she had with you.
She’ll ask herself why she couldn’t make you love her like she loves you. She’ll wonder whether she could have done more, if she could have paid you more attention, if she could have loved you better. She’ll cry quietly in the moments she gets by herself to be alone with her thoughts, wishing that you were still the person she’d thought you were all along.
Everything you’ve ever said to her will become null and void. All of the promises, all of the times you called her beautiful, incredible, and amazing – all of those memories will crumble to ash. She won’t believe them anymore, because obviously you didn’t mean it. If you’d meant it when you called her all of those things, when you flattered her with your words, then you wouldn’t have cheated on her.
It will take her years to believe that someone is telling the truth when they tell her that they think she’s beautiful, that she’s inspiring, that they love her. Because you won’t just destroy the relationship you have with her, you will destroy her self-worth. You’ll destroy her ability to love, her ability to trust, her ability to open herself up to another person.
When you love someone, you make yourself vulnerable to them. You let your guard down, you let them in close where they can hurt you. You give them the power to destroy you, to rip your heart out, and you simply have to trust that they love you and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. When the person you let yourself be vulnerable with turns around and betrays you, it’s hard to imagine ever being that vulnerable again. What’s the point? You’ll only get hurt once more. And so you seal yourself off, you put up more walls and barriers, and remove yourself from being close to others. That’s the legacy you stand to leave from cheating. That’s what will happen to her.
So, why are you planning to cheat on her, anyway? What do you stand to gain from betraying the person that you’re supposed to love?
If you don’t love her anymore, or if you never did, then why cheat? Why cause her the heartbreak of having to find out that you weren’t who she thought you were? Do the right thing, and leave her. At least have the balls to confront the reality of breaking up with her if you don’t want her.
If you think you’ll get away with it and you want a bit of fun on the side while staying with her, ask yourself how you’d feel if you knew that she’d cheated on you. Put yourself in her shoes, and ask yourself how much you really love her if you’re willing to throw everything your relationship stands for under the bus for the chance to sleep with someone else.
Putting all that aside, you won’t be able to keep it a secret forever. No matter how little you may feel it will bother you right now, just wait until the months roll by and she keeps telling you how much she loves you, how much you mean to her, how proud she is to call you hers. You’ll feel the guilt gnawing at your gut. You’ll dream about her finding out. You’ll wake up in cold sweats, wishing you could take it all back. Is that what you really want?
If you’re lucky enough to have an amazing woman by your side who loves you with all her heart and would do anything for you, why would you throw it all away? Do you even understand how lucky you really are?
If you don’t really love her, let her go. She deserves far more than you. And if you’re genuinely thinking of cheating on her, you don’t really love her.