Are you setting the right core boundaries for yourself?
We will go through different phases of life, complaining about how people take advantage out of us. What we might be missing out on is our need to set a healthy personal boundary.
Absent or vague boundaries make us walk the extra mile and tolerate everything under the sun just to feed on scraps of attention, approval, praise, and love.
One must know that in order to be loved and appreciated, one does not need to extend one’s personal boundary. Self-respect and personal boundaries are equally important to be accepted by society.
The good part is, setting proper, reasonable core boundaries will help you retain yourself and also get social approval you deserve.
To distinguish what lies in your limit of tolerance and what doesn’t know these 9 core boundaries to set in relationships, work, and life.
Here are 9 essential core boundaries that you can set in your relationships, work, and life:
1. I will say “No” to everything which is beyond my capabilities.
With experience, you have made a clear idea of what your potentials are. You must not pursue anything that you believe is beyond your capacity. It is not necessary to always avoid failure by trying to achieve everything, even things that are beyond your potential.
Do not keep unrealistic expectations from yourself. This will only make you say ‘yes’ to things which you have no time for, or which are simply extra for you. Saying ‘no’ to things not only to retain self-respect but also to not let the other person down. It helps maintain a healthy relationship with oneself and with others.
2. I will never emotionally influence another person for selfish needs.
Fun flirting is okay. Especially when you both are clear about your intentions. You must make an agreement with yourself never to use someone as an emotional sponge. You are responsible for carrying your own emotional baggage.
Taking advice and help from friends, colleagues and your partner is natural. Emotionally influencing or manipulating someone for your need fulfillment is not acceptable. It not only messes you up but also sets you as an example of an extremely mean person.
3. I will not tolerate lies.
Lies will come in many forms – distortion, twisting of the truth, hiding the truth and denial of reality, but whatever form it is, it is best avoided.
Avoid people who base themselves on lies and feed others the bullshit. Be on a no-nonsense diet. If your guts are screaming at you to listen to the lies people are whispering to you, pay heed. Aim to interact with people who have the emotional maturity to handle reality.
4. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me or treat me like an option.
Attention is alluring! But never cross your boundaries of self-respect and jump on the other side just for the sake of love. If you are tolerating disrespect from someone else, you simply prove how much you disrespect yourself.
You must know your worth. You deserve nothing less than the one best fit for you. You deserve love, respect, and loyalty. You must always remember that you are unique, you bring the best to the table. Why then would you take anything less than what you deserve?
5. I will not pursue someone who indirectly or directly rejected me.
Feelings should flow organically. If it has to be forced, it is surely ensuing a disaster. When you can understand that someone is half-hearted with you, confused about your position in their life, is unsure of his/her feelings about you, you must not run after these people.
If you are being ignored by someone, he/she being unable to genuinely commit to you, repeatedly going on/off about you – it’s time to lose this someone. You have no time for that juggle. You know you have better things in your share. Look around yourself. You will find people who want to are authentic about what they feel.
6. I will not date someone who controls me on his/her terms.
You can do better than that. Trust me. If you look closely, you will realize if your partner is controlling or not. If he/she is, you should not let that control go on for long. You are equally invested in the relationship, and every decision regarding your relationship should be mutually decided upon. If you try to instigate your own opinions and they simply ignore or downplay it, you must know your partner is having an upper hand in the relationship.
7. I will abandon a relationship as soon as I realize it’s abusive.
Abuse can come in both overt and covert forms. Your partner might just be abusing you for years without you knowing what it all means. Abusive partners are great at convincing you that they are extremely sorry for their mistakes and will mend everything with time, just to keep you around. Sadly, this changed behavior will never come about.
If you find yourself, constantly questioning your self-worth, your happiness, your mental peace and constantly compromising your needs, desires to satisfy the demands of your partner.
8. I will not always play the savior to people in distress.
Everyone has their own share of issues and distress. That does not mean, you are going to be the angel for all of them and jeopardize your own happiness.
You have your own emotional and psychological problems. Tend to that before you save others of their misery.
9. I will not compromise my boundaries for anyone.
Your boundaries should be universal and non-negotiable. On no account will you ever expand the lines of your boundary.
For that, you need to have a strict demeanor that you cannot excuse your boundaries at no cost. People with integrity will always respect your space, no matter how harsh it is on them.
Remember, the way you respond to someone’s behavior towards you is the way you are teaching them to treat you. Make wise choices.