Is there anything more painful than getting your heart broken by someone you trusted?
Even though there are a lot of other things which are definitely more painful than a heartbreak but there is a hint of something so raw about being hurt that people take it personally. And why wouldn’t they? Because it is utterly personal.
When your heart is broken, it can feel like the end of the world. Nothing has ever felt so excruciatingly painful. It’s like a giant hole was pummeled into your chest, with no hope of repair. Undergoing a phase of heartbreak a person often loses their willingness to live, they slip into pessimism and may even end up complementing death.
According to the Center For Disease Control statistics, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US with an estimated 44,193 Americans killing themselves each year. But it is just the tip of the iceberg as only 1 in 25 suicide attempts will actually be fatal. Among the different risk factors for suicide identified by researchers, relationship or marital problems seem to stand out in particular. (2)
What people forget is that heartbreak is not the end of the world. Rather, there are numerous ways to pull oneself out of it. People who really care for you, your closest people will always stand at the end of the dark tunnel, waiting for you to cross the darkness.
Once you rise above the pain, you will be a whole new person again; a person you will fall in love with.
These are the 8 things you must never forget when someone breaks your heart:
1. Don’t let heartbreak turn you into a destructive person
Generally speaking, nobody takes trauma well. Most of us feel so destroyed and pained that we start being dependent on substances, we cry, we drink and entirely spoil ourselves to the point of no going back. The pain is so magnanimous that you wish to isolate all your feelings and turn into a non-feeling, heartless monster.
It’s completely understandable how it’s palpable to have your heart so broken that you want to morph into another person to lessen the pain.
You feel resentment, you feel the bile rising in your throat, the fangs of revenge getting the best of you; all of these and you ultimately turn into this jaded ghost of a person.
A break up often leaves us with distorted thoughts about ourselves. After a heartbreak, the most important thing to focus on is yourself – your goals, your values, your sense of identity, your self-respect. Those are the ultimate jewels you treasure. Don’t throw away pieces of yourself just because someone else didn’t want them. Cherish the things that you love most about yourself because somewhere down the line, someone is going to fall head over heels for those very same qualities.
2. Most romances aren’t made to last for a reason.
Maybe it will sound too harsh, but if you are currently in a relationship, you never know, it might not be the relationship you cherish forever.
Evolving with time is one of the biggest aspects of life and you have to accept the idea that people mostly outgrow each other. We are constantly changing into the person we are meant to be and people who perfectly used to fit in our lives might change as well.
When you look back to your first ever break up, how do you see yourself? Broken and devastated. Do you currently feel the same about that breakup?
We might find it difficult to appreciate the importance of time during our hard phase, but over the days our feelings, however unpleasant it might be, fade. It’s natural and it sucks so think of it this way: you’re not running away from something special, you’re walking towards something better.
3. True love is worth breaking for.
The official statement is “true love is worth waiting for,” but it can respectfully disagree on the grounds that waiting accomplishes nothing. We all are leading a busy life so the image of someone sitting resolutely on the ground to be swept off their feet is just outdated to me.
There are high chances that you will go through multiple heartbreaks before you meet ‘the one’ because you will be prepared with all the handy techniques for a successful relationship. Just go with the flow. Experience a heartbreak and think of the day when your heart would heal. It’ll just be that much better when you wake up in love again.
There’s something so blindingly optimistic and hopeful about knowing that even in spite of all the pain, we’re all waiting for that grand romance.
4. There is never a shortage of meaningful relationships.
We live in a culture that is obsessively hyper romanticized. So the only way to not be in it’s trap is to stop believing in it.
There are many possible meaningful relationships to be fostered – like creating a bond with your friends, your relatives, your parents, and even your pet. A good relationship doesn’t only count being in a romantic relationship with someone.
Don’t limit yourself by placing romantic standards on the beautiful people around you. As long as you’re actively engaging with the folks who look upon you with love, platonic or not, you’re never as alone as you feel.
5. It’s totally acceptable to cry.
I cried over the end of my favorite series ‘Friends’. I cry over extremely emotional movies. I cry when I feel nothing. I cry when I fell too much. To add to the list, I cried the whole night over my previous break up and definitely you can cry over your own.
Crying has other benefits too. It has calming effects such as the slowing of breath. It has been shown that during the cry, you may experience increased heart rate and sweating; however, the calming effects usually last longer than any unpleasant arousal. (2)
In the words of Shakespeare, “To weep is to make less the depth of grief.”
6. Feeling things isn’t a bad thing.
In a way, to me, heartbreak is not really so bad. I think that heartbreak shows that you had the courage to open yourself up to someone. I think that heartbreak means you were faithful enough to put your trust in someone else.
Heartbreak teaches you a lot of lessons. It tells you about your capacity to empathize, your resilience and the fact that life has more meaning then to merely pursue romantic love. We tend to glorify this image of “cool” and “apathy” so I always applaud when someone breaks that trend.
Don’t be ashamed for having the guts to fall in love in the first place, when the rest of us are still stupidly struggling to keep ourselves as unattached as possible.
7. There’s more to you than your ex.
There are so many great and wonderful things about you that exist outside of your relationship and those things will continue to be there even as you fall in and out of love.
Your sense of being should never be attached to the actions of others or how others treated you. You are not defined by the relationship that you’re in and the things that truly matter about you — the person that you someday want to be — should only exist inside of them.
Even if they break your heart, there’s nothing that they can take away from you that you can’t recapture.
8. They’re just a chapter in a novel.
Think of it this way: your ex is a single page in hundreds of chapters of life.
Even if it’s just a page, heartbreak is a chapter with a profound impact on your life. Nevertheless, no mountains can rise without a volcano. Never skip any page of a novel. A novel has its essence captured in all of its pages – good and bad both.
Happily ever after’s never come without fight and struggle, so think of your breakup as just another bump before reaching the final page.