Your partner may think that they’re not hurting you because they aren’t physically cheating on you. But to know that their mind is preoccupied with thoughts of someone else all the time heartbreaking. Sheri Stritof, a marriage consultant and co-author, wrote for Verywell Mind, “Much of the pain and hurt from an emotional affair is due to the deception, lies, and feelings of being betrayed.”
They don’t need to sleep with someone else to be cheating on you. When they connect with someone outside of your relationship on a deep emotional level, and they have stopped connecting with you, there is a possibility that it may mean a lot more to them than they’re letting on. And here’s what they start saying more often when it’s happening.
1. “I’m just trying a new look”
You have been noticing all the different changes that they have been making to their appearance; the new dressing style, a new haircut, or the “special perfume” that they’re now putting on every day. Dr. Sheri Meyers, love and intimacy expert, according to Chatting or Cheating, pointed out that people might start to “dress differently (more attractively) for that certain someone. Your partner could be dressing up to impress someone and it might not be you anymore.
2. “Sorry, I got distracted”
You might be telling something important to your partner and then right in the middle of the conversation, you realize that your partner hasn’t been listening to you the entire time. They no longer care about what’s on your mind or want to know how your day went. Instead, they seem distracted and disinterested. This could indicate they feel connected with someone outside the relationship and the reason their attention seems a lot more divided than before.
3. “I would love to spend time but I have this thing”
They may not want to hurt you intentionally, but that’s what they end up doing. When they say they miss spending time with you but immediately follow it up with a reason not to, it can feel like they’re simply stringing you along instead of investing time into growing the relationship. Their schedule has drastically changed and you no longer have any space in it. And by not telling you what’s going on, still believing that they’re not hurting you, they’re selfishly trying to make you fall for their explanations.
4. “I don’t want to talk about it”
The close bond that kept you both together is slowly starting to come unloose. Neither does your partner share their thoughts with you, nor do they confide in you about anything that’s bothering you. You might try to get them to open up again but they slowly shrivel up and close off. It is possible that their emotional needs are being met by someone else; the person they’re having the emotional affair with might be the one who gets to see them excited or distressed or whatever else they may be feeling.
5. “Why can’t you be more like ___”
You can instantly see that your partner’s attitude towards you has been changing by the words they choose. Lately, if they have been talking about a friend or a colleague more than usual, their dynamics could be changing. If suddenly, you feel like you’re competing with that person because your partner is always comparing you with them, your partner could be emotionally involved with them.
6. “I’ll be late today because…”
The evenings you used to spend laughing away are now replaced with awkward dinners with you sitting across the table from each other. That’s how it starts off. And eventually, your partner starts making excuses for why they will be late to come home. Psychiatrist, Abigail Brenner, wrote for Psychology Today, “Once upon a time you and your partner shared everything. Now they may make excuses to get out of the house, away from you for periods of time.”
7. “I’m not in the mood”
The lack of intimacy in your relationship is starting to pull you and your partner away from each other. They may have stopped being romantic with you and always blame it on being tired or not being in the mood. Your partner may not be emotionally dependent on you like they once were because they are letting someone else slowly inch into the special place that you once held in your partner’s life.
Disclaimer: This article is based on facts collated from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.