When the heavens take away your loved one from you, every day which passes without them is difficult in its own way.
However, the holiday season is especially hard.
While everyone thinks of this period as the best time of year, you struggle with your thoughts.
The pain and the memories haunt you and, as much as you try, you can’t get yourself to be part of the holiday euphoria.
Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to force yourself into anything.
In fact, your struggles are completely natural.
However, it doesn’t mean that you should allow the pain to consume you.
That is why we’re here to give you some important reminders to make this time of the year as easy as possible.
You’re not weak for feeling like this
girl with gray scarf
Whenever sadness gets to you, you can’t believe that you’re still as weak as you’ve been the past year.
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You remember all the advice you heard about time healing all wounds, but it seems that none of it is actually getting to your brain, and you still feel like you haven’t moved an inch.
Well, let me tell you that you’re not alone in this and that you’re definitely not weak.
Different people have different coping mechanisms and different ways to handle their sorrow, so just because you don’t see your closest ones crying all day, it doesn’t mean they’re not going through exactly the same things you are.
Nevertheless, even if you’re the only one feeling this way and even if it appears that everyone else has managed to handle the pain better, it is still not a reason for you to feel bad and to consider yourself not strong enough.
Remember that we all take different amounts of time to heal,and that this is not a linear process.
Don’t let anyone dictate your pace of recovery.
So, please don’t beat yourself up for not being able to control your emotions.
You have enough on your chest and mind already.
You don’t need to bring guilt and self-judgment to the table, as well.
You don’t have to force happiness
It is the holiday season, Christmas movies are on TV, literally everything is on discount, the entire city is covered in shiny lights, the kids are getting presents, everyone is decorating the Cheistmas tree…
A true idyllic atmosphere, right?
Nevertheless, when you’re feeling down, the last thing you want is to be pressured to feel happy just because everyone around you is in the holiday spirit.
And that is exactly what you’re expected to do: to be thrilled and excited all the time.
However, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have force happiness, if that is not how you truly feel.
Actually, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want.
If you don’t want to put up the tree or even celebrate Christmas at all—don’t let anyone have a say about it.
If you want to skip the New Year’s Eve party and would feel much better spending a cozy night wrapped up in your blanket and watching TV, it is also something you ought to do.
Instead of being worried that you’ll be looked at like a weirdo for not going with the flow, do whatever suits your emotional and mental health the most.
Instead of meeting other people’s expectations and pleasing them, put yourself first, and make this time of year as easy as possible for yourself.
But shouldn’t feel guilty about being happy either
When we’re in the middle of the grieving process, sometimes we hold ourselves back from being happy out of guilt.
Everyone who has coped with the loss of a loved one will know what I’m talking about.
You subconsciously don’t allow yourself to continue living your life to the fullest without this person present in this world.
You think that being happy without them would be a kind of betrayal, so you feel guilty for every breath you take simply because they don’t have a chance to do that anymore.
For example, you stop doing the traditions you followed with your loved one who has passed away and feel like they would resent you for living your life as if they were never a part of it.
You think that you don’t cherish the memory of this person enough just because you dare to celebrate the holidays alone.
Well, let me tell you that this is the worst thing you could do to yourself because this way, you won’t only miss the person we’re talking about, you will also miss the holidays and everything connected to them.
In fact, you’ll probably end up being torn apart between your true desires and your subconsciousness that has been haunting you.
Besides, have in mind that the loved ones you have lost would be glad to see you happy—the last thing they would want is to see you being burdened by their memory.
Be honest with the people around you
couple holding for hands
Another important thing you shouldn’t forget when you’re missing a loved one during the holiday season is to be honest with everyone surrounding you.
Don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean that you are obligated to spill your soul in front of every single person you know or who crosses your way.
However, in order to keep your relationships healthy, you need to tell your closest ones how you feel and introduce them to your plans.
For example, if you don’t feel like attending Christmas dinner or celebrating New Year’s Eve with your friends, let them know in time and briefly talk about your reasons because you don’t want them to be offended or think that you’re avoiding them.
Besides, just because you lost one loved one, it doesn’t mean you still don’t have a lot of people who care about you.
Of course, one person can’t replace the other, but you should turn to the ones who are still in this world when you’re going through hard times.
Even if you don’t think so, trust me when I tell you that the people around you can and will help you ease your pain—you just have to let them and give them access.
You will get better
girl blow in snowflakes
I know that someone telling you that you will be better is the last thing you want to hear.
I know this sounds like an empty phrase and something people say to comfort you when they run out of words.
However, it really is the truth.
No, you’ll never forget your loved one in heaven, but eventually, you’ll learn to live with the pain.
The holidays will pass and before you know it, you’ll be forced to go back to your daily routine and everyday activities.
Until the next season comes…